How to come across as effortlessly charming

Welcome back to Communication Examples!

This is the place where I talk about all things related to communication skills and social interactions. Helping you create deeper connections and become the kind of person where people want to have more than one conversation with.

Each issue has an underlying theme which are showcased by 3 examples, 2 tips and 1 Q&A.

Estimated read time ~ 3 minutes

What to expect:

• Being open to vulnerability

• How to smoothly change the conversation

• Tastefully using insulting humour

• How to truly carry out active listening

• Dealing with someone who won’t take no for an answer

3 Examples

1) Be open about shared vulnerability

• Be brave enough to talk about what you are experiencing and what you know others are feeling too

• Helps you come across and relatable and more endearing

• Works best in moderation where you should otherwise show a confident demeanour

2) Make use of transition phrases

• Certain phrases allow for smooth flow of conversation, without disturbing its rhythm

• Subtle way of showcasing thoughtfulness to a question

• Bridging between subjects shows well-roundedness and adds credibility

• Examples include “speaking of which”, “just to expand on what you mentioned earlier” or “on a related note“

3) Use jovial deprecating jokes

• Work when you know the other person really well

• Creates a sense of camaraderie by poking fun in a way that is obviously not genuinely insulting

• Playful banter strengthens bonds by displaying a level of comfort and familiarity

2 Short Tips

The art of active listening

This involves being fully present in the conversation. Not only hearing the words being said, but understanding the emotions, intentions and nuances behind them. To show the other party that you are actively listening, try the following:

• Paraphrase - summarise what was said to you and relay it back in your own words. This helps to avoid misunderstandings.

• Ask open-ended questions - encourage the other person to elaborate on what they said. This keeps the conversation flowing and shows curiosity

It helps to care

People can see through disingenuity. Start showing genuine interest in what people have to say. It’s one of those tips that’s hidden in plain sight. But it’s a powerful way to deepen conversations and forge more meaningful connections. Here’s how you can show curiosity:

• Follow Cognitive Curiosity - When someone presents an idea, express curiosity about their thought process: "I'm curious, what led you to think about it that way?"

• Playful Provocation - Playfully challenge their viewpoint e.g. "I'm genuinely curious how you came up with that idea. It's intriguing."

1 Question

how do you deal with someone who can’t take no for an answer?

In cases like these, finesse and empathy are paramount.

Firstly, reaffirm your position in a calm and assertive manner. Just because they won’t back down doesn’t mean you should. Empathise with their perspective but offer your rationale as well.

If they won’t budge, try to pivot the conversation towards a common interest or a middle ground option. Show the other person that you’re willing to collaborate. It’s a delicate balance of patience, empathy and standing your ground.

If all else fails, call a rain-check on the decision to be made e.g. “I don’t think we’re see eye to eye on this. Why don’t we try to think about this from a different angle“ or “we don’t seem to be getting anywhere with this, I think we should get another opinion and see what they have to say.“

That’s all for today guys. Send me a message and let me know what you think of today’s issue - I’d love to connect.

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